It could be that I am tired after staying up too late to watch Bourne Legacy with Jason–I really liked it BTW.
It could be that there is a tiny channel in my brain that is exhausted with the waiting and not knowing about a gig I auditioned for a while back. I am at a fork in the road…I have two very exciting roads ahead, I just need to know which path I’m going down. It bugs when that choice is in someone else’s hands (story of my actor life).
It could be that the euphoria of having my newborn is finally winding down a little bit, after a pretty long high.
Maybe the 12 mile run on Saturday for my half marathon training just wiped me out a little.
The middle school channel is running in there somewhere too, and though in general and on a daily basis, it really doesn’t cross my mind, it is still there and got to be draining something, like the vampire effect of a cord sitting in an outlet.
Or maybe it’s my allergies. I haven’t been taking meds for years now, and I don’t want to start regularly using again.
I can’t pinpoint it exactly, but this is what I know:
Sometimes I feel tireder than I want to feel.
I’m ready to start weaning (the bottle has become a problem though–)
I’m ready to read a book.
I’m ready for my baby to take long, normal naps (I suspect this will never happen since it has been a struggle from moment 1)
I’m ready for a little me time.
I’m ready to get rid of my love handles (not feeling too optimistic about this actually happening—baby #3–running like crazy–in my 30’s—they are NOT budging)
I remind myself that this state of mothering is so terribly temporary. I know this….and often all it takes is that thought—“this is going to pass by so quickly, just be in the moment”–and I can refocus and sacrifice and carry on. But sometimes it’s not enough and I have to eat a cupcake (oh…maybe….oh….love handles….cupcakes….I get it).