On Me.

I tend to blog a little haphazardly, documenting life in photos and events and moments. I am often interrupted or rushed to try to fit it in.  I also blog a week at a time sometimes and then I get behind and I miss opportunities to check in on myself. So I’m Checking In. Right Now. On this 24th day of January at Noon.

How you doing?

So here’s where I stand.


I feel such joy.  I feel so fulfilled being who I am right now with this husband and these children.  I am bracing myself for adversity, because I am in a good place right now and I know from LOTS of experience there is opposition in all things.  I am grateful for the lessons I have learned, grateful to be my age.  I am so grateful to know what I know (and to share it with over 70,000 people!).

It’s been 7 months since I became unpregnant,  and slowly my balance is returning.  I feel rested most days.  I feel energetic and strong.  I marvel at what my body did just then (back in June) and that it continues to sustain my baby and me.  I am proud that I have embraced Jason’s vegan lifestyle and provided him with meals that he requires.

I feel fortified by everyday accomplishments (unloading the dishwasher, folding a stack of clothes, making a craft, sticking to my budget, talking to a friend, changing a diaper, hugging a tween, laughing with Lollz), and revel in the more simple, slow-paced life.

I sit.

I think.

A few things that I would like to change:

I would like to workout more.  I struggle to fit it in.  I want to do it in the morning, and I usually miss my chance because of a Pickle feeding or a need to catch a few more zzz’s or it’s so so so so so cold.  I have set a half marathon goal and setting a goal usually does the trick for me, so I hope to get my glass in gear here.

I have 1 pound left to lose, so I am definitely not motivated to work out. at all.

I do however feel quite disappointed when I get a look at my tummy or love handles.  That’s why I stay clothed as much as possible. ; )

I have adjusted well finally adjusted to not being a significant earner.  I am getting better at staying within my set budget and being more discerning when I make purchases.  My husband is a fantabulous provider, but he requires me to be responsible and accountable with our money which bums me out major.  But Grandma me is not bummed out at all, she is super grateful!

When I get a call for a job/audition is when I feel the most mixed emotions.  I feel excited/anxious/happy/over it/into it/motivated/annoyed all at once.  I am getting closer and closer to walking away.  I am so lucky to be able to have the option to not work.  I feel so accomplished when I look at my little rag tag gaggle of girls.

I never knew I could feel that way, and it finally happened.  I feel I am enough and the choices I have made of late to settle into this Mother thing, have brought me the most joy.  I do not feel the threat of depression anymore.  Anxiety likes to push in here and there, but I have such power over her, she cowers and goes back into hibernation with a few deep breaths.  Amazing.

I am truly humbled by this abundance.


13 responses to “On Me.

  1. You go girl.

  2. I love this! I’m with Sam, “you go girl!” This will be a good reminder when the going does get tough, like you said.

  3. I’ve noticed. And I am grateful. Love you.

  4. Amazing is right. You are simply that. I admire you so much-all you’ve learned, accepted, and accomplished. I feel so honored to call you a friend. I wish I couldl get my life all figured out and embrace it as well as you do. Sending my love!

  5. You definitely count your blessings. That is all you need to do when any non positive thoughts try to creep into your mind. Gratitude is everything. Thanks for sharing !

  6. It’s wonderful that you are in this place. I had my second baby at 33. She is 10 months old. I feel Blessed but the anxiety starts to overwhelm me daily. I’m always trying to figure out the new formula for me, my family, my work. I have hope that it will come together.

  7. That is a good feeling to be happy where you are at! Seriously, I would not even about the 1 pound. That is a New York 1 pound which is always telling people they are too fat. If you lived anywhere else, you would be the skinniest person in the room. I would love to be you with 20 pounds extra! You are gorgeous! You are funny! You are a child of God! Has pickle done any photo shoots? How about the girls? Are they done with that too? Oh by the way, your videos from your family are just too funny. Always brings a smile to my face. I think we all struggle to find time for working out because it is hard to balance home, kids, church, and so forth. There always seems along list of things to do!

  8. This post really resonated with me. I’m not where you are yet..but I’m getting there. Feeling settled and confident about your choices is such a blessing.

  9. I wish I could give you a high five. SO happy you are in a good place :)

  10. So happy that you’re happy.

  11. I’ve noticed too. What blessings. Who would have thought that you or I would ever feel content. God and age do wonders!

  12. Thank you all for your love as always….

  13. Love this. You are blessed and I am so happy for you.

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