I have been working since I was 18 years old in the entertainment industry. I took a break to finish school and had a tiny job here and there, but I was still performing as part of school, so it felt like I didn’t really take a break.
After Jason and I spent a few years in DC, where the theatre scene was VERY good to me, we decided that NYC was the only place for us. Let’s face it, the work for both of us is here. That was the main force driving us to move to New York-to make a living and start and continue our careers.
Though it took a while to get going, we have both been blessed with prosperity n our chosen fields. I think both of us have far exceeded what we let ourselves dream, and both of us would give each other credit for fully supporting the other in our pursuits.
I have this quote on my vision board, accompanied by a photo of a man and woman standing side by side looking at something in the distance, in the same direction with binoculars:“Life has taught us that love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction….”Antoine de Saint-Exupéry as translated from his 1939 memoir, “Wind, Sand and Stars”
This past week, for the first time in quite some time, I realized I have no outstanding accounts receivables. I have not been working through this pregnancy, I have turned down some baby wrangling jobs (too close to my due date! too hard on my body!), and I am going to lose my SAG insurance for 2013 because the last remaining residuals have dried up.
This was upsetting to me for a few reasons. 1. I was told by my accountant that another check was coming, and so in anticipation of that I did some shopping (so now I have some lovely bills to pay, because my accountant was told some FAULTY information, and the check ISN’T coming! DRAT!) 2. Unless I book a commercial between now and December that RUNS and RUNS and RUNS in 2012, I will lose my insurance for 2013–it’s AWESOME insurance. But the main thing that is upsetting me is the fact that 3. I am no longer an earner. I am not contributing to the family income.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t need to. Jason and I have ALWAYS structured our living expenses below what he makes, but it was so great to have some independence in my earnings, so that I didn’t HAVE to talk about what I was buying with Jason, I could fudge on my budget here and there knowing a little check was in the mail. I could do some guiltless shopping here and there. I felt independent and great about my contributions!
I thought I would be okay taking a break (possibly long break) from work with baby #3. In MANY MANY ways I am okay with taking a break. This week it really became a reality for me, and I had to ask myself–if I don’t work here, what am I doing here?
And the bottom line is, I love it here. Even though we did move here for our careers, and we are still doing that, (and heaven knows if I am to get back into the swing of things, it will be easier here then ANYWHERE else,) we also live here because we love it. We are Urbanites! We love public transportation! We love our perfectly-sized apartment. We love the people. There are a lot of hates too, but the love FAR outweighs the hate.
Have you discovered Humans of New York yet? We are Humans of New York. I have always loved contributing to and being a part of the mosaic that is New York City! I can be myself! I am me here…and I become MORE of myself everyday I walk out my front door. So, even if I never book another job again (chances are I will…I keep telling myself that), it is still worth it to be right here where I am, raising my daughters, standing in the bright present and looking towards the even brighter future, with Jason by my side, and the girls hugging our legs as we try to steal a kiss.