Before she started taking brain-altering drugs, to alter her brain, her brain would do a little something like this:
Her brain would start thinking thoughts….one thought per circle. The circles would swirl and rotate and beat against each other and vie for attention. Her husband put it into words best: the circles! the circles!
He could see when she was being absolutely beaten alive by the maniac circles between her ears and would declare: Too many circles!
She understood but didn’t at the same time. In many ways, she was the leader of the team of circles. She would egg them on and poke at them and run through them like a two year old with bubbles. She was their tornado-captain whirling and swirling them around.
She could think of 16 things at once until the medicine….then it was 1 thing at a time, if that. She was lucky if 1 circle would present itself and command some sort of brain power.
Over the past few months as she has weaned off her medicine that polarized and nearly obliterated the circles, the circle army has gathered together again. One by one each circle of thought has re-entered the space that they occupied before.
Perhaps they are reluctant because their leader is the same person but a different version. Perhaps the leader is really leading now, so the circles maintain more order. Perhaps the circles did some growing up while they were gone; moved from juveniles to sophisticated young adults. Whatever it is, the circles behave differently now.
The circles clump together and slowly, calmly move together in unison while one circle takes it’s turn in the foreground. They are always moving, hovering, active, but only one gets the spotlight at a time. She can focus. She learned to focus while they were gone. She can think about the background in a peaceful exuberant way, but the urgency is gone. She knows she will get to the circles that are now patiently, dare she say, serenely waiting? She feels a balance, a yin and yang amongst the tribe of circles. They: She and the circles, have gathered back together and are playing on the same team. A team that’s winning.