Anniversary

One year ago today I found myself with a broken foot.

On this one year anniversary, I went to the neurologist.

We talked for a few minutes about how life is so much better now, I am back to being myself and I am not taking any meds and I am free.  Free as a bird.  I said, One thing I know for sure, is that I learned a lot from all this, and I have no regrets.

And then she reinstated my driving priveleges.

I can drive! But. I don’t have a car, so I’m just going to imagine driving.

I had one last pumpkin scone* to celebrate the most fabulous neurologist appointment ever.

Where to now?

*You can find out how to make your very own scone here.

 

Teeth Again.

My tooth became infected.  The assistant to my Docs said 95% of the time patients get an implant and nothing happens.  Are we surprised that I fall into the 5% that does have issues?

Ugh.

I went in and got antibiotics and then a few days later the doc cleaned out the infected tissue from the inside of my implant.  Ew. It hurt.

After I left, my temporary teeth which were one piece, were put back into place as two separate pieces. Yeah! I can now floss between my two front teeth again.

But. My good tooth feels a little wonky, like a little loose.  I called Dr. Dad and he said it might be loose and it might settle and to go in in a few days to have it looked at.  My good tooth? loose? A new test of patience and calming these teeth are.

But here is the most annoying part. The bad tooth has a cover tooth on it and the back of the tooth has a little hole that is filled in with cement to protect the implant. And there is cotton stuck to the silver cement, so it feels like I have little bits of cotton on my tongue all the time.

Like a hair you can’t remove.

And I have tried to figure out how to get the cottony hair off but I can’t, and so I have to wait until tomorrow.

And it’s like so annoying.

So.

 

On Healing

It’s been 11 months since I broke my foot.

I feel like I can finally say: I am healed!

Last week I tripped on the escalator and landed on my right knee and left hand.  Both started bleeding, and my knee had quite a gash in it.  I was so happy my favorite leggings didn’t get a hole in them, even though my flesh did.

I have never felt so much pain from a boo-boo before. I couldn’t work out for a few days, and a week later, kneeling is still difficult.  The gash has just barely closed up into a scab. Yikes.

My left foot was suddenly called upon to be the dominant appendage.  And my left foot stepped up!  I realized that I have very little pain anymore, I wear heels without thinking about it, and I find myself using my left foot to open doors, catch myself and pick up stuff (I like using my toes).

I found myself reflecting on the healing process and there were a few important points to my healing.

I first started jogging again, which went really well.  Then I decided to work on my balance, and reintroduced some yoga into my routine. Through yoga I found muscles that were still lying dormant and stretch and strengthened them.  The major turning point from caution to confidence though, was when Jason gifted me with some vibrams.

I worried that the vibrams would be hard on my left foot, but on the contrary, I felt more confidence running in those five fingers than I had in shoes since I was permitted to run/walk again.  I broke them in in my hometown of Naperville over the 4th of July, and for the 4th, I ran 4 miles in them!  They are ugly as ugly can be, but they are my own little miracle workers!

After a summer/fall working out in the vibrams on and off, and continuing with my jogging and yoga, I feel like I am there! My foot is healed, my ankles are almost evened out again and I can move forward.

Wean Week 1

It’s been one week with 250 mg less each day of my AED.

I’m not gonna lie, I have had some feelings, a bit of breakthrough braininess. I’ve taken my little side-pill that helps with those symptoms a few times. I have slept a little extra, fighting the good fight with my jogs on the treadmill, and trying really hard not to freak out.

I am interested to see what happens week 2, when my hormones are a little more balanced and the allergy index isn’t as bad (well, I’m just wishfully hoping the index goes below an 8), it was 11.2 today.

I have been slightly more aware of the edge of the subway platform…I don’t get too close, just like the early days of diagnosis. I’m day to day, hour to hour.

Braintastic

For the first time, I left the neurologist’s office almost skipping. We discussed the immediate future for a long time.

She was concerned about me starting to jog this week, she does not want me to re-break my foot and cause myself permanent damage.  She gave me shoe-fitting tips, a lecture on the downfalls of flip-flops.  She expressed confidence in my foot surgeon, but still gave me some advice of her own.

She was concerned that I have been splitting my multivitamin with a kitchen knife for the past several years, and sent me home with a pill cutter so that I do not cut off my finger.  She was concerned about me committing to not driving.  I told her I had it covered, that I have been waiting for this day, this time!, this no-driving for 2 whole years, and it was no sweat off my back to take a break in the name of getting off the meds!

She was not concerned about my outlook though. She told me again that my EEG’s are normal, my contusion remains the same (as opposed to getting worse), I have been seizure-free for 2 years and that I am an excellent candidate to go off the AED’s. She wrote out my weaning schedule and let me pick the date when I would start.

I had to wait for my appointment for an hour.  During that time I saw a variety of neurological patients in the waiting room come and go.  I saw a few adult women who were there with their parents. They seemed heavily medicated, in a brainy, steady zone. They seemed completely dependent on others. They did not seem happy or whole. I saw a woman with an aid dog, also with her parents, sitting stone-faced.  A younger girl was there with her parents too and she was loud and odd and a bit off.  I watched all of these patients knowing that their neurological disorders were far greater than mine. I knew in that moment that despite what I would call the worst couple of years of my life, I was landing on the very lucky side. I was leaving their with my weaning schedule, and faith that it was going to work…that maybe I could climb out completely and be myself again!

The process begins very soon, and to say I am overjoyed is an understatement.

Hey

You have to read that title like Amanda says it on Ugly Betty.

Please, will you?

Hey.

Today was pretty eventful actually. I went to the dermatologist upon recommendation from my general physician, who couldn’t diagnose my skin situation.  Turns out, bug bites.  That really grosses me out, frankly.  I have to turn off the EW switch in my brain.  I am just baffled that I didn’t notice a bug was biting me, and why small anthills cropped up as a result.  I take an antihistamine for crying out loud!

The weather today was some of the weirdest I have experienced. It was a bunch of rain wearing snow costumes.  Wet and cold all day. Thank goodness it wasn’t windy.  The casting I had scheduled ended up being a shoot date I couldn’t make, and I was glad because I wasn’t feeling my best after battling the Snrain.

I spent some time in some great NYC treasures instead.  Books of Wonder is such a great bookstore.  I want to read every single book on every single shelf.  I couldn’t leave without picking up a few gems for my little sweet ones.  I am still on a mission to get Lolly to love reading, and she is a big fan of Mo Willems Pig and Elephant books so I picked up a new one for her.

I also made a stop at American Apparel and watched the entire Circle Scarf tutorial before finally picking one up and buying it. I have been wearing it since I got home and I love it. When I wore the double-scarf hooded look, Phoebe told me: You look like a NUM!  I am pretty sure she meant Nun.  I personally think I looked more like some of the Middle Eastern women in our neighborhood who wear a variety of head coverings. I found a cool no-sew tutorial to make one yourself. I also got the same leggings I wore in my recent commercial shoot.  They are comfy, cozy.

After I picked up Lolly we went to Sigmunds for a pretzel. SO delicious. I will never be able to eat another soft pretzel from anyone, anywhere, again.  They had pretzel sandwiches and dips and I plan on going back to try another combination of pretzel yumminess.

On the way to pick up Phoebz, I turned in some Kiehls recyclables. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they have a recycling program. And I love kiehls. In case you are not up on the kiehls goodness, my regime: tea tree oil toner, avocado eye cream for night, ultra facial moisturizer (spf one for day, non-spf for night), abyssine eye cream for day, lip gloss and grapefruit lotion & essential oils.

On the way home the trains were not running and the kids totally hung in there while we had an extra-long commute home.  They warmed up in a hot bath while I designed marathon tees for Jason’s marathon on zazzle.  I even found a great coupon on retailmenot.  I’m pretty excited about the results. Now that I have sat here for three hours trying to see some of the headlining figure skaters and getting not much of anything, I am going to crawl into bed.

Hey. ‘Night.

Itchin’ and Hopin’

I’m still in a constant state of hope that my future will work out.

That is kind of a ridiculous sentence, I know.

Yesterday I got about 6 giant welts. 2 on my back that are in clusters and one on my stomach and then a line of 4 on my right arm going into my hand. At first I thought maybe it was bug bites, but after some research and some nasty slideshows, I am convinced these are just hives. And it kills me to not know why, how or where they came from, especially when they remind me of their existence because of the constant, severe itch. These pix I took this morning.  The itch started around 1 pm yesterday.

Ironically, I had a long conversation with someone on Monday night about hives and trying to determine if one suffers from allergies or not. And then I get my very own crop. And this crop is not fooling around.

I was going to wear a short-sleeved tee to my audition today, because the blue color is fresh and compliments my eyes, but my change in plans involves long sleeves and a sweater over those long sleeves.  2 sets of long sleeves, just to be safe.  The welts on my right wrist are pretty red, so I am hoping they calm down a bit.

The second irony is that I had my annual general health check up scheduled for today, but had to reschedule it because of the audition. That is why I took photos, so that I could bring it to my doctor next week and say what the what? Or just keep them in the hives file for when I get a new allergist, to discuss what is going on.

So, back to hope. I hope my hives go away. I hope I can figure out why they happened. I hope it’s not something more serious than a little itch, not the best look and photos of the small of my muffin top on the internet. : )  I hope my future works out in the end.  That makes me laugh inside.

Foot News

Foot News:
Jason’s toes have calloused over after marathon training for a while now. He ran 26.2 last Saturday just to know that he can do it…and now hopefully he will be less crazy about running between now and the April 10 official marathon in PA.

The photo of my foot has gone from a 1.5 inch black line across my metatarsal to a thin white line, so I am still not 100% healed, but I am no longer welcome back to the doctor, whose office btw, totally rocks.

That is not my foot, but that is what the photo looked like before the line turned white (healed!).  And, my doc says I do not have bunions, what’s not to be happy about there?

I helped a woman in a wheelchair right after my appointment who was having trouble navigating this crazy slushiness, can you imagine? Her gloves were soaked. Then I had my customary post-doc-appt Alice’s Teacup pumpkin scone (entered to see a screening of A in W there). I have no plans to run it off just yet.

Fork

The overwhelming image is of me standing up straight, ready to walk, and I cannot take a step directly in front of me because the path makes a drastic split. Each path has a distinct label, I must choose THIS or THAT. And I know that even if I were to choose, THIS might not turn out to be THIS, and THAT might not turn out to be THAT.

So I’m sort of waiting for someone or something to jostle me to start walking down one or the other.

I have tried to choose a path before, tried to be totally in control of that choice, but I have learned in recent years that what I choose doesn’t necessarily turn out the way I expected.

I feel stuck. I feel a little numb to the choice. Gratefully I don’t feel numb in the dark, deep, depression place, I’m quite present in my life minute-by-minute. It’s the bigger picture that’s got me crocheting for hours a day because counting is more comforting than choosing.

I’m sort of okay with not choosing. I’ve learned a lot about patience since I broke my foot. I have learned about one step at a time. I think I can even walk in place for a while. At least I’m walking again.

Third Person Thursday

She got her filling replaced last Wednesday. 1 shot of lidocaine, then 2. He was good, very little pain.

The drilling began. She could feel it. She asked if it would get worse then that, because she could tolerate it if it stayed. It didn’t stay. She felt a sharper pain and could feel her body tense up, so she asked for a little bit more.

BAM. She could tell that final shot was right in there.

She was numb for the next 5 hours. When it finally wore off she was relieved until the pain set in, then she was wishing she was still numb. She’s had 3 root canals, 2 crowns, 4 wisdom teeth pulled and 2 previous fillings, and she could not recall pain like this. The pain was not the tooth, it was where that 3rd shot went in. She popped some ibuprofen and hoped it would get better.

It’s now been a week, and guess what? Yup.

So, she looked it up:

“Wikipedia on local anesthetics says:

Localized Adverse Effects
The local adverse effects of anesthetic agents include neurovascular manifestations such as prolonged anesthesia (numbness) and paresthesia (tingling, feeling of “pins and needles”, or strange sensations). These are symptoms of localized nerve impairment or nerve damage.
Risks
The risk of temporary or permanent nerve damage varies between different locations and types of nerve blocks.[1]
Recovery
Permanent nerve damage after a peripheral nerve block is rare. Symptoms are very likely to resolve within a few weeks. The vast majority of those affected (92–97%), recover within four to six weeks. 99% of these people have recovered within a year. It is estimated that between 1 in 5,000 and 1 in 30,000 nerve blocks result in some degree of permanent persistent nerve damage.[1]
It is suggested that symptoms may continue to improve for up to 18 months following injury.”

After reading this, she thought: Of course, she’s the one. She just hopes it’s a few weeks of discomfort and not 18 months or FOREVER…….!